I cannot believe the year went by so fast…

2011.

I dreaded this year. The past year (2010) was one roller coaster of a year..

I began writing, had a great summer, had issues about my love life, dreaded the thought that I would soon be 25 and I didn’t know what was next…

The start of this year was filled with panic.

I was pressuring myself to build dreams, set goals and accomplish something because I had this stupid notion that by turning 25, you become an adult.

And adults have dreams, goals and accomplishments.

I smile as I remember all my crazy thoughts at the beginning of the year.

And then came an unexpected event that brought me back to reality.

My aunt – who raised me – fell ill.

And within 2 months, she was gone.

Just like that.

And it was painful.

Up to this day, I still feel that nothing could hurt me worse – for I had lost a parent and I will never get her back.

I will never wish that pain to anyone, not even my worst enemy.

The same month as we lost Mama, I had a rough time at work.

I felt like everything in my life has gone horribly wrong and I don’t even have the strength – or even the will – to keep on moving, to make things right again.

I remember asking, 2011, what else do you have to bring?

I wanted the year to end.

I didn’t really have any great expectations.

In June, I was forcing myself to be back into my old self – the crazy, weird, happy one – but I guess it was just too soon. I promised to start my own little projects but I only had enough attention to begin, and then leave it all hanging mid-way.

July was when things started to turn around.

I was asked to be part of this show that has already started, and I began writing again…

Attended this year’s Independent Film Festival with friends – it left me feeling reconnected to my friends, and to life…

That was also the month I decided to end my four-year relationship.

It was one ending I had to endure to make way for a new beginning.

I had a blast on my birthday.

It was the best I had in years – I have never felt so loved by my friends and my family – and I also had someone special to share my special day with…

Even things at work started to become more exciting…

I was writing regularly – I even wrote the ending of the serye I was writing for. I was thrilled.

And I was a participant in a Soap Opera Writing Workshop funded by the French Embassy (will have to write a separate blog entry for that) where I met producers and writers from France, Malaysia and Indonesia. That was one hell of a nosebleed week. (Don’t English me, I’m panic!)

Now, I feel a little more stable at work – I have upcoming shows I would be writing for and, soon, a contract with the network. Finally!

It’s as if everything I have waited for has finally arrived.

God has truly blessed me in abundance.

Another blessing for me is that I have someone to share all these blessings with…

I have attempted to write a blog about this special someone.

But I don’t think I can ever express my feelings in words without sounding like a cheesy JLC-Bea movie.

All I know is I have never been this happy.

And I never actually thought that there is happiness such as this – the kind of happiness that gives you peace. And thank the Lord for her…

I still find it hard to believe that I survived this year, and I will be ending it in a good note.

This year, I realized what a great family I have and my friends are the best any one could ever ask for…

I rediscovered my desire and hunger – and so I will keep on writing…

And I have found the love I have long been praying for…

My dreams are coming true –

It’s like He has heard all of my prayers and decided to grant my wishes all at once…

And I believe I have Mama Mely to thank for that.

I believe she is now my GOD WHISPERER.

Kaya malakas ako kay God…

Thanks, Ma…

And thank You, Lord.

Here’s to the year that was – 2011

… and to the year that will be – 2012!

CHEERS!

Nung nabasa ko yun, naisip ko, si Mama siguro ang SOUL ng pamilya namin – birthday kasi niya, November 2, All Souls’ Day. Ako, si Tito, at si Kuya Noel – kaya naman talaga kami nagkasama-sama dahil kay Mama, ‘di ba? Siya talaga ang sentro naming tatlo.

I

GANITO KASI YAN…

Asawa ni Mama si Tito Eping, anak naman niya si Kuya Noel. Ako, ampon.

Iniwan ako ng Mommy ko sa kanila nung bata pa ako. Lumaki ako sa bahay namin sa 2105 UP (yes, as in taas, dahil iba yung nakatira sa 2105 Down) Taal Street. Pero bago pa yun, magkasama na sila ni Mommy ko sa bahay kaya palagay na siya na ihabilin ako sa kanila habang nagta-trabaho siya sa Taiwan. 4 years old ako nung umalis siya.

Si Mama ang tumayong nanay ko sa loob ng limang taon na wala si Mommy.

Nung nagka-kuto ako dahil sa kahihiram ng classmate (huwag na natin siyang pangalanan) ko ng suklay ko, siya ang sumuyod sa buhok ko at tumiris sa mga lintik na bloodsuckers!

Siya ang nagtatanggal ng tutuli ko at naglalagay ng MERTHIOLATE (yes, hindi uso sa’min ang Betadine noon) sa mga sugat ko. Ouch!

Kapag may ubo at sipon ako, siya rin ang nagpapahid ng VICKS vaporub. At ako bilang isang musmos na sutil, nagrereklamo pa ako dahil medyo magaspang ang palad niya! Gagawaran naman niya ako ng isang dutdot ng VICKS na sakto niyang ilalagay sa ilong ko! Aaaah! Ayokong-ayoko nun eh! Bukod sa sobrang anghang, super kulangot siya pagdating ng umaga. Pero mananalo ba naman ako kay Mama?!

Kapag galing naman ako sa lagnat, nagiging paksiw muna ako bago niya ako pinaliliguan! Nilalagyan niya ng suka yung bandang buhok ko para daw hindi ako mabinat.

Siya ang gumigising sa’kin sa umaga kahit pagkahirap-hirap kong gisingin at siya din ang magtatawag ng sidecar na sasakyan ko papasok sa school. At hindi pwedeng kung sinong sidecar lang, namimili talaga siya ng kilala niya at mapagkakatiwalaan.

Ganun niya ako kaalaga.

Pero hindi talaga kami bati ni Mama noon. Kaaway ko pa nga siya eh! Lagi niya kasi akong sinasaway saka pinapagalitan. Mabuti pa si Tito, lagi akong pinagbibigyan.

Hindi rin masyadong affectionate si Mama, hindi mahilig mangyakap saka humalik-halik. Kapag niyayakap niya pa ako, amoy bawang siya! Lagi talaga akong nagrereklamo at lalo pa niyang isasaksak sa ilong ko yung amoy bawang niyang kamay! Eeeek! Nagtitinda kasi si Mama ng mga ulam noon kaya marami siyang niluluto. Araw-araw yun! Sunday lang ang pahinga. Kaya siguro hindi na naalis ang amoy ng bawang sa kamay niya.

Sad to say, hindi ako talaga ganun kabait noon. Naalala ko pa dati, may grupo ng IT GIRLS sa school (nung elementary ako) na in-invite ako na makisali sa meeting nila isang afternoon! Excited na excited akong mapabilang sa kanilang elite circle pero nung uwian na, dumating bigla si Mama imbis na basta sidecar driver lang! Sinusundo na niya agad ako! Pinipilit ko siya na huwag muna akong pauwiin pero hindi siya pumayag! Talagang nagdadabog ako hanggang bahay! Masama ang loob ko dahil I lost the chance na maging part ng IT group na yun (dahil kinabukasan din, winithdraw na nila ang invitation) at sinisi ko kay Mama ang lahat.

Si Mama talaga ang naging kontrabida sa buhay ko noon. Sobrang spoiled kasi ako ni Tito at minsan ko lang naman nakakasama si Daddy kaya halos hindi na rin niya ako pinapagalitan. Si Mama lang, siya ang tinik sa aking lalamunan.

Heto pa: mahilig kami ni Tito mag-‘jogging’ sa CCP. Jogging – ito yung sasakay ka ng jeep mula sa bahay papuntang CCP, tatakbo ng konti, mamasyal ng marami at magkukwentuhan, lalanghap ng sariwang hangin sa seaside at kakain ng masarap bago uuwi. Yan ang favorite activity ko kasama si Tito.

Isang beses, nagsabi si Mama na sasama din daw siya mag-jogging sa amin. Nauna tuloy si Tito sa CCP at doon na raw niya kami kikitain dalawa. Okay lang naman sa’kin. Akala ko isa ito sa mga usual na jogging na ginagawa naming ni Tito. Aba naman, si Mama! Pinag-jogging ako mula sa Taal Street hanggang sa CCP! Buong San Andres pati Quirino Avenue!!! Ayaw niya mag-jeep! Kaya nga daw JOGGING eh, kasi hindi sasakay! Kung uso na noon ang bekingese eh NALURKEY talaga ako nung araw na yun!

Hindi ko makakalimutan ang sobrang simangot ko na wa epek sa pang-asar na tawa ni Mama, halos maging isa na lang yung kilay ko! At eto pa, nung nagyaya akong kumain kami, ayaw din niya!!! Waaaah! Sa bahay na lang daw kumain at magtipid! Saka bakit pa daw nag-jogging kung kakain din agad pagkatapos?!

And that was it for me and JOGGING. Ayoko na!

Hindi pa diyan nagtatapos ang kabutihan ko bilang bata! Kapag pinapagalitan ako, mini-mimic ko pa siya! Kapag naaalala ko yun, gusto kong kurutin yung sarili kong nguso, o kaya lagyan ng sili para magtino ako! Pero si Mama, ni minsan, hindi niya ako pinagbuhatan ng kamay. Hindi niya ako sinasaktan kahit na sobrang pasaway ko, lagi lang niya akong pinagsasabihan. At hindi rin niya ako pinagagawa sa bahay. Umabot ako ng 9 years old na hindi marunong magwalis o magsaing – bilang sa kamay kung ilang beses ako naghugas ng pinggan. Kaya naman laking sakit ng ulo ni Mommy sa akin pag-uwi niya!

End of Part 1

To be continued…

August and September have been busy.

During these months, I have frequented bookstores at nag-panic buying ako ng books.

I also went to the Book Fair sa SMX last September and bought books for me, Mommy and for donation. (Which I will blog about soon kasi gusto ko paramihin yung books na yun…)

The thing is, I haven’t had time to read my books (and magazines) in a long time. Nakapila sila sa bookshelf ko waiting to be opened, and I’m really looking forward to having a bit more free time so I can get to them na. Ayoko kasing simulan tapos mawawalan ako ng time hanggang sa makalimutan ko na yung details – I’ll have to re-read all that.

Here’s a glimpse of what has been sitting untouched on my bookshelf for the past 2 months:

1. TWISTED FLICKS – Jessica Zafra

I have always wanted to read Jessica Zafra, pero sa Twisted Series niya, iniisip ko lagi kung saan maganda magsimula. And along came my friend, Gladys, who helped me decide.

2. LIGO NA U, LAPIT NA ME – Eros S. Atalia

I watched Ligo Na U, Lapit na Me in this year’s Cinemalaya, and although I found it entertaining and relatable, I felt na oversexed naman yung film. Titignan ko nga kung ganun ba talaga sa libro…

3. THE GOD OF SMALL THINGS – Arundhati Roy

An item off of my ‘BOOKS I WANT TO READ’ list.

This is Veb’s gift (my Kuya’s gf). Thank you din for the short and sweet message you wrote inside.

4. GOD IS IN THE SMALL STUFF

I plan to browse through this and then give it to my Tito Eping. I’m hoping it can help him.

5. MAYBE, MAYBE NOT – Robert Fulghum

When I was in college, may binanggit na book yung Professor kong si Miss Gabelo about this book called ‘All I Really Need to Know, I Learned in Kindergarten’. I didn’t know who the author was back then, but I have always looked for it sa bookstores, until nakakita nga ko ng updated version recently. Pero ayoko naman yung updated, gusto ko yung original version. Manghihiram na lang ako dun sa someone who also got me this book, for starters daw…

6. ELEVEN MINUTES – Paolo Coelho

A re-read. This is one of my favorite Coelhos, the other ones are ‘Veronika Decides to Die’ and ‘By The River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept’. I lent my first copy of this book to someone and I never got it back. Since then, I’ve been itching for a new copy, and finally, here it is!

7. ONE DAY – David Nicholls

Aaminin ko, may mga nagsabi masakit daw sa dibdib at maganda kaya na-curious ako. Yun lang!

8. EATING FIRE AND DRINKING WATER – Arlene J. Chai

An author recommended by Gladys. Parang Amy Tan daw, pero mas relatable because she’s half-Pinay.

9. THE HELP – Kathryn Stockett

I read the synopsis sa likod ng book and it was enough to get me interested. This is also already a motion picture, hindi lang ako sure kung naipalabas na siya dito.

10. Lauren Weisberger’s THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA, CHASING HARRY WINSTON and EVERYONE WORTH KNOWING 

I LOVE SHOES. Hahaha! Yun talaga ang intro?!

I bought this at the Book Fair because it’s on sale at 20% off. And the box looked cute.

It contains three books – na akala ni Mac (Gladys’ BF) eh paandar na kahon lang at walang laman! Hihihi!

Then I remembered na may nagsabing mas maganda daw yung book kesa sa movie, so I guess that’s worth checking out, right?

11. EAT, PRAY, LOVE – Elizabeth Gilbert 

Yes, not in the photo. Nasa likod na kasi siya. ‘Di ko mapag-desisyunan kung babasahin ko pa ba o hindi na.

I love the film, sobra. As in. I think it also had something to do with timing. Back then, I was in a point where I can relate to what she’s going through. Pero sa libro pala, since memoirs niya ito, all the nooks and crannies of her thoughts are included! Naloloka na ako sa mga sinasabi niya! Wala pa ako sa kalahati ng Italy nyan ha!

I think masyado akong masa to be able to relate sa sushal niyang dilemma and solution sa kanyang troubles.

But I might get to finishing the book, too, since may mga trivia ding makukuha from her through her travels.

12. THE PERKS OF BEING A WALLFLOWER - Stephen Chbosky

Tapos ko na siya basahin. The only book I managed to finish in the past 2 months.

AND I LOVED IT. 

This is the best book I have read in a while. The last one was ‘The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time‘ by Mark Haddon. 

And I can say that this is the most special book I have read. 

Ngayon lang kasi nangyari sa’kin yung naapektuhan ako ng book after I closed it, naiyak ako na tapos na akong kwentuhan ni Charlie. At basta, may kurot siya na hindi ko ma-explain. It makes you want to smile and then cry.

Parang modern-day ‘Catcher in the Rye’ (at aminado naman si Chbosky na ito ang inspiration niya).

Soon, ipapalabas na rin ang movie adaptation nito – starring Logan Lerman and Emma Watson.

I gave my copy to someone special, kaya wala na rin siya sa shelf ko.

Pero syempre, I’ll get another one din for myself ulit.

AND I SERIOUSLY HAVE TO GET A BIGGER BOOKSHELF.

HURRAH FOR BOOKS!  

Pero hindi ko na kayaaaaa! Iniisip-isip ko talaga sila kahit nasa work ako, tuwing nasa mall, hanggang sa pagtulog. I am possessed by their powers and the only way to exorcise these demons is to – well – buy the friggin’ little devils!

Eh kaso naman, nakaka-pulubs!!! LOOK!

My SHOE wishlist. (Baka sakaling ma-fulfill din eh, like my last wishlist. Echos! Birthday ko na ulit?)

Sebago Docksides: Bala

Looks so comfy, ‘di ba? Perfect for strolls at sa paglalayag – bilang yun talaga ang purpose niya ‘Te! Kapag bumili ako nito, required ako mag-sailing. Kaya nakaka-pulubs eh!

Marami pang chic yet comfy colors ang design na ito – plus other designs are also available – check them out at the SEBAGO DOCKSIDES Official Website.

Heto pang isa:

Melissa Shoes: Patchuli in Blue

Bongga ng WEDGE, noh? At walang sakit-sakit yan! ‘Di ka pa mag-aalala kahit mabasa ng ulan bilang gawa ito sa PLASTIC.

At, simpleng kulay pa yan – tipong pang-everyday (everyday?!) (yes, read as italicized) na lakaran.

Eh paano na ang mga ganap?

Heto:

Melissa Shoes: Patchuli in Beige

I love the red accent! Panalo! ♥

I refer to these Melissa wedges as PAANDAR shoes. Feeling ko kasi, kapag sinuot ko na, mukha akong nagpa-PAANDAR lang. Arte-arte mode. Achievement yun kung kaya ko siyang i-tone down kahit nagsusumigaw ang kanyang pagka-shiny! Pero aminin, kahit sako ang suot mo, achieve pa rin basta ito ang shoes! Mmm!

Syempre may flats, heels and boots din ang brand na yan – browse through the MELISSA SHOES PHILIPPINES Official Website para sa iba pang kakabog-kabog na designs.

‘Yang mga shoes na yan ang sumusunod sa’kin hanggang sa panaginip. I really want to get all three!!! Ang kaso mo, tumataginting ang kapresyuhan ng bawat isa! More subsob ka muna sa trabaho bago mo ma-afford! As in, wala nang pagbangon na magaganap!

Arte ko ‘noh?! Pagbigyan. Blog ko to.

I was not expecting anything special or even happy because, like so many people already know, I lost a very special person, a parent, earlier this year.

I look back at all my birthdays and remember that she was there. Calling days before my birthday and asking what I wanted her to prepare. Stuffing me with delicious food and letting me sleep in her bed afterwards. Kunsintidor ng buhay-baboy.
And this is the first time in my life that I will celebrate my birthday without her.

I MISS HER, AND I WISH SHE WAS STILL HERE WITH US.

Mama and Me on my birthday last year, 2010 on our Shakey's dinner with family

I have to thank my bestfriend, Julie, for bringing back the excitement that I usually feel around this time. Alam mo yung kinukumbinsi mo yung sarili mo na gusto mong ‘wag na lang pansinin ‘tong araw na ‘to pero there’s this person who knows you inside-out and she knows how important this day still is to you? Si JULIE yun. She called me around 2 weeks before my birthday, nagpa-plano ng salubong night with friends kasi aalis siya for Davao come 23^RD. I suddenly had something to look forward to sa birthday ko, may friends ako na gustong mag-salubong with me! Yay!

That was when I started planning my weekend. And as a cheerful exercise I also posted this wishlist in my blog. I never thought anyone would take it seriously, but as of this day I already have completed what’s on the list save for the Harry Potter bookset. Hinihintay ko ang sweldo for that. I really want to get that one for myself.

Salamat sa mga nag-take time to look at the stuff that I posted.

And MARAMING MARAMING SALAMAT to those who got those items as gifts for me. I still can’t believe it! This is the first year I have ever completed a wishlist, and yes, I’m feeling more than a little spoiled!

As the day draws near, I thought of Mama first. Before all the fun and laughter with friends, I want to see Mama. To thank her for loving me all this time and for being a huge part of who I am today.

Syempre hindi maiiwasan na maiyak. While I was there I keep thinking na nami-miss ko na yung luto ni Mama, daig kahit saang resto ka kumain (biased?!), promise!

Then someone told me that Mama probably also prepared a feast for me in Heaven, and I found that comforting: to picture her busy in front of a stove, stirring, sautéing and whipping up all her specialties. I’m sure she’s working on a very special menu for the day we will all be together, when she will welcome us with open arms in the home she prepared for all of us.

In the meantime, I imagine her peering over the clouds, wishing me a ‘Happy birthday’ and willing my day to be truly happy. And this it will be.

AUGUST 20 (SATURDAY):

I went to visit Mama with Tito Eping, Mama’s husband, and Veb, Kuya Noel’s girlfriend. After the hike papunta kay Mama, napagod kami kaya niyaya namin si Tito sa YELLOW CAB. Napa-THUMBS UP na lang siya, walang nasabi. I haven’t mentioned him much in my posts, but Tito Eping is like a father to me. Dati sinasabi ko, kaya siguro binigay sa’kin si Tito, para hindi ko maramdaman na hindi ko nakakasama si Daddy. This man took care of me since I was a child, at hanggang ngayon, he treats me like I’m still his little princess.

Yellow Cab with Veb and Tito Eping

AUGUST 21 (SUNDAY):

This was a working birthday weekend for me. I had a writing assignment due MONDAY! At may meeting din sa araw na yun. Pero bilang more energy, mas hoppy ang drama ko, keber sa tulog at pagod! I was already excited for what I had planned: a dinner with family and salubong night with friends sa Tagaytay come Sunday. More sulat, less tulog! Buhay ka pa?!

Birthday dinner with family was at Savory, SM Bacoor. With me and MOTHER SUPERIOR a.k.a DONYA BUDING were my Tita Glory, her daughter Ate She and boyfriend, Tairon, Tito Obet with Camille and Mike, and Ate Gigi. Dumating din si Tito Eping. We all had a share of tasty Chinese food.

Afterwards, nagyaya silang maglakad-lakad. This part sucks for me because I had to give them a limit kung hanggang anong oras lang kami sa mall because I had to go home and finish my last day liners (guide for writing) bago dumating ang sundo ko for the Tagaytay night-out. But anyhow, we ended up enjoying the stroll kahit wala namang binili, kundi ang 3-inch heels (WAPAK!)  na sinuot ko agad kinabukasan!

My mom also surprised me with a beautiful pair of earrings, which I did not expect kasi she already bought me shoes a week ago saying na yun na yung gift niya for my birthday. It made me wonder, is she spoiling me now because single na ako ulit? Hmmmm. *himas-baba*

But SUDDENLY, she started teasing me na parang may alam siya sa’kin kahit ‘di ko pa sinasabi sa kanya. MOMS can be a little freaky, noh?! Hahaha!

DISSOLVE TO:

Salubong night over Bulalo and Crispy Pata at Leslie’s, Tagaytay with Dada and Desi, Koko and Hazel. Roadtrip pa lang, laughtrip na sa sabaw na jokes (ooops, there goes our little secret!) at iniinda ang mga deadline na naghihintay sa’min next morning.

More kain, more chika, more asaran extended to coffee at Starbucks na sobrang kailangan ng aming mga katawan for the long day ahead. Come midnight, I was already receiving birthday greetings! Yay! So happy!

Hindi pa nakuntento sina Bez at Desi sa masayang salubong namin! We were sleeping on the ride back home from Tagaytay nang gisingin nila ako. I was being given a BIRTHDAY HIGH FIVE by RX’s DJ Alven! Nakakilig naman mabati sa radio! Nagising talaga ako! Thanks Bez and Desi Ray! Muah! :*

AUGUST 22 (MONDAY):

Working Birthday Monday. Konting-konti ang tulog as I head for my meeting kaya dinaan ko na lang sa pagtatakong ng tatlong pulgada (WAPAK!) at shades. And it worked! *wink*

I got to make a birthday wish dahil nagpa-birthday cake si Miss Michelle sa Futbolilits meeting, yay! At! At! Sir Aloy shared his special tasty cookies with me sa meeting. (Uhm, did that come across right?)

Tapos I had dinner with Jason and Bel at Yellow Cab for our long overdue pizza get-together. More pizza, more chika, more fun.

And I went on a special birthday date. Ayun eh! ♥

Too bad I had no pictures for this day. And I also wasn’t able to go to church. I just prayed sa bahay, and on the way to work, and all the times I was alone.

Buti na lang may Thanksgiving Mass kinabukasan for Munting Heredera.

AUGUST 23 (TUESDAY):

Tapos na ang mismong birthday ko, pero hindi pa tapos ang celebration?! You bet!
I met my Dad and my Diko’s wife, Ate Liway with their daughter, Lianne at Trinoma for a post-birthday celebration. I was happy to finally meet Lianne. Inaanak/pamangkin ko from my half-brother. She’s really cute kahit kinda suplada. Dad and I agreed that I was a lot like little Lianne when I was a kid.

In this meet my Dad gave me great news, something I hadn’t expected to happen so soon. Akala ko years pa before I will meet his panganay, Kuya Roy and my big sister, Ate Carol but it turns out they already want to meet me! Soon! Both are out of the country for work right now, but Dad promised to set a meeting as soon as they come home. I can’t believe they really agreed to it! They want to meet me! Am I blessed or what?!

AUGUST 24 (WEDNESDAY):

The birthday week continues. I met my friend SheShe to catch up and para makuha ko ang aking… tenenen! REF MAGNETs from Bohol and Cebu.

Hindi ko makakalimutan yung sabi ni She na sa sobrang excitement sa dami ng kwento ko, kung kaya ko daw maging TATLO nung time na yun, ginawa ko na para lang magkwento. Hahaha! Ako na madaldal!

AUGUST 25 (THURSDAY):

I met with Diane at TriNoma dahil a week before pa she told me she got me something na for my birthday but I wasn’t able to meet her because of sked issues. Finally, nagkita rin kami and I got my gift! A white watch from Swatch; exactly like the kind I posted in my blog! Thanks so much, Yands! Our friendship goes through the years beyond gifts and tokens and is simply PRICELESS.

I like how this week turned out to be THE BEST BIRTHDAY I EVER HAD. Maybe it helped that I did not really have much expectations, and I ended up so pleasantly surprised.

I would like to thank everyone who sent me happy thoughts on my birthday, those who called and made me smile on my birthday night, and people who took time from their hectic and toxic schedules to celebrate with me.

This day reminded me how wonderful my family and friends are. And how utterly BLESSED I am to have them all in my life. At the Thanksgiving Mass for Munting Heredera last August 23, I managed to say THANKS to the Lord, and nothing else, overwhelmed by a great feeling of gratitude.

I look back at my 25 years and realize that He has never left my side. I have been through so many challenging moments in my life and sometimes I wonder how I was able to survive those times. Pero hindi na pala dapat ako nagtaka, because GOD is always there, keeping His faith and love in me as His child, no matter how undeserving I may be.

He surrounds me with all these angels in disguise, to not only to guide me, but also to inspire me to go on. To laugh, to love, to LIVE…

Sabi ko pala kay God, sana kung ano man yung sa tingin Niyang ginawa ko to deserve all this love and happiness in my life, patuloy kong magawa.

Somehow I know, kahit na ano pang mangyari sa buhay ko in the future, He will always be there to bless me, as long as I keep my faith in Him, as He has with me.

And this gives me one good thing to share with people: AN ATTITIDE OF GRATITUDE.

Thank you. ♥

But as the day itself comes closer, I realize I’m being stupid.
Edad lang yan, hindi deadline.
Bata pa ako, and I have more than a few good years to look forward to.
Isa pa, sino ba naman talaga ang nakakaalam kung anong gusto nila?
And even if you think you know what you want, how sure are you na yun din ang nakalaan para sa’yo?

So enough with all these pointless worries na hindi ko naman mabibigyan ng solution before my birthday, or maybe even after. Ang importante, enjoy each moment, seize every day.

I have this feeling that whatever life has in store for me, I’ll be able take it on.

What’s important is you have a sense of calm about your life.

Tipong INNER PEACE.

Dapat laging ZEN. (At approve ang bestfriend ko d’yan!)

AND IN THE CELEBRATION OF BEING HAPPY AT 25, I DECIDED TO LIST DOWN THE STUFF I’D BE THRILLED TO RECEIVE FOR MY BIRTHDAY. 

Hahaha, yun lang pala eh noh? Kamusta naman ang intro ko?

Anyways, no pressure, folks! I just thought it would be a cheerful exercise.

HERE GOES:

1. HARRY POTTER BOOK SET. Yes, I really want my own set of these books. Gusto ko silang basahin ulit, and I want to share them with friends who haven’t read it yet (e.g. a particular friend of mine na muntik nang i-lump together with Twilight series ang Harry Potter) dahil gusto kong malaman nila where the magic of these books can take a person.

2. A WATCH. Malamang Swatch na naman, para hindi super expensive pero maganda yung quality. Syempre kailangan may numbers yung face niya or may marka, otherwise, maco-confuse ako everytime na titignan ko siya. Mahina ako sa Math, ayoko magbasa ng angle-angle!

I like the first one, the last one saka yung  aqua blue.

3. A PAIR OF JEANS. Bonggang na-curious kasi ako sa ad ng Oxygen for their REVERSIBLE JEANS. Astig yun ah! Nag-uulit kasi ako ng pantalon, so ang saya kung umuulit ka pero hindi halata kasi baliktaran siya. ‘Di ba? Ang talino nila! PAK!

Tapos, next wish ko maging kasing-hot ako ni Ate habang suot ko yung jeans.

4. COLE VINTAGE SATCHEL. Yung aqua blue. Tapos maglalakad ako sa Verona, kunyari ako si Sophie sa Letters to Juliet. Choz!

May facebook page ang Cole Vintage. Click na sa link, go!

5. IPANEMA footies. Umaangal na kasi yung tsinelas ko, tama na daw! Kaya papalitan ko na siya, pero hindi na ng Havaianas kasi may nagbago sa size nila! Tuloy yung paa kong giant na nga eh mas nagmumukha pang malaki. Baka hindi na basta paa ang itawag sa’kin ng pinaka-sweet kong mga kaibigan kundi PAA, every single time.

So ishogo natin sa sizes and designs ng Ipanema ang aking secret.

Simple lang naman ang gusto ko. Pwedeng ganito:

Pero nang makita ko ito,  nawindang ako!

Taraaay! Gold na butterfly pa! I WANT!

6. I also want a new pair of EARRINGS. Preferably studs. Na may kakaibang shape, pero simple. Demanding? Eh kasi nawala ko yung kapares nung triangle ko na studs. Nalungkot ako talaga, tapos wala naman akong makitang kapalit nun kaya please, help me!

7. Lastly, I gusto ko pa ng JACKET. Something warm and comfy. Kung fashionable din yan, triple threat na! Go large! Tag-ulan na kasi, dapat lagi tayong dry and warm.

AND I WILL ALSO ACCEPT CASH AND CHECK DEPOSITS TO MY ACCOUNT, in case na busy kayo sa activities of daily living to get me a gift. Kung super-duper busy, i-GCASH na lang! Okay?!

Wow, I enjoyed that. It really is a cheerful experience. Try niyo rin!

GOOD TIMES. ♥

For me, what matters is finally admitting that it’s enough.

I have never been so in love and so devoted in any other person as I was with him, but that does not mean that I became this ultra-perfect girlfriend. I retained my bratty ways from years of being a spoiled little child (because I guess, that’s how I’ll always be) but somehow, we managed to get through a lot of stuff together. I will never forget that he was my hero, someone who accepted my flaws and defended me from anyone who would try to malign my unusual ways.

I will miss holding his hand, and reaching out to touch his face. That was our silent and private way of saying ‘I love you’, and I have always loved that. I will miss the easy laughter, his familiar scent, and I will, most of all, miss his family; the little kids, his cousins and aunts, his brothers and his parents. I know that my relationship with them does not necessarily have to end as well, but I know it will never be quite the same again.

Yes, I will miss all of that. But I have to have to admit that there have been a lot of things I have been missing even before I thought it had to end.

I never thought I had a breaking point, so it came as a surprise to me when I finally reached it. I know there were signs that we were drifting apart – but if you knew us, then you probably knew that we drifted apart from time to time. It had been our constant problem; getting too absorbed in a lot of our own activities which, in turn, lead us to neglect our relationship. Before we knew it, we had a full-blown issue in our hands and we’re grasping at all the straws available to save our love. In the past, it had always worked for us.

I always say that bad times are to be expected in relationships. Not everything is peachy and perfect. But I also always believed that as long as the happiness you get from the good times you have together outweigh whatever pain you experienced when you’re having problems – then it’s worth to keep. It’s worth your time, your effort and all your heart and soul. It’s worth tearing your hair out, screaming on top of your lungs, fighting for love.

And that’s what I used to love about our relationship best: that no matter how painful it became when we felt like we’ve taken each other for granted, there were these moments that made up for all of those times. And that was enough for me to go on.

Until I realized that we were forming a bad habit; that it had become a vicious cycle threatening to destroy us once and for all. We were in a fight and I had a feeling of déjà vu, I heard myself saying the same things I already told him during our last argument. I was turning into a nag and I hated it. Soon, whenever we had the same issues, I always heard this in my mind whenever we tried to discuss and find a way to solve our problems: here we go again. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had been thinking the same thing.

It’s not just sad, it’s difficult to come into terms with the idea that what you have is dying, and what’s even more painful is realizing that you don’t have it in you anymore to try and revive it. For a time I had been content ignoring the facts, trying to avoid a harrowing confrontation. Yes, I was willing to just let it all slip away quietly. I was willing to let it end that way.

I guess being the transparent person that I always was, I wouldn’t be able to keep it under wraps for a long time. Friends would surprise me with sudden ‘food-for-thought’, and I would always end up just nodding and smiling, trying to hide the deep disturbance I felt inside.

There will be no appropriate time and place to end a relationship. Doubt and guilt will soon creep in, leading you to question the decision you have just made. Or at least that was how it will always be for me. I will never be comfortable with hurting people, especially someone who is important to me.

But there is a reason for all this pain, this much I know. And that is HAPPINESS.

We were happy, and so there will always be a bittersweet feeling when we look back and remember.

We will be happy, and that, in itself, will also be bittersweet: that you had to let each other go in order to find the joy that you both deserve.

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

A long overdue post.

Harry journeys towards finding out how Voldemort managed to keep himself alive all those years, and will be left a task by someone he never thought he could lose…

IN THIS FILM I LOVED:

Dumbledore busting Harry’s date

HORACE SLUGHORN 

‘There’s been a lot of talk recently that Dumbledore’s got a bit old…’

‘RUBBISH! He’s only… What is he?’

‘A hundred and fifty? Give or take a few years…’

– Hermione, Harry and Ron finding something to laugh about amidst all odds

 WEASLEY’S WIZARD WHEEZES

‘Um… have you ever fixed a nose before?’
‘No. But I’ve done several toes, and how different are they, really?’

EPISKY!

- Harry and LUNA LOVEGOOD ♥

FELIX FELICES (Liquid Luck)

Ron and Hermione ♥

Ron tries out for the Gryffindor Quidditch Team

‘Why is it when something happens it is always you three?’

‘Believe me, Professor, I’ve been asking myself the same question for six years…’ - Professor McGonagall to Harry, Ron and Hermione and Ron’s response 

Ron’s win ‘because of liquid luck’

Hermione hurting over WonWon and Lavender Brown

‘She’s only interested in you because she thinks you’re the chosen one.’

‘But I am the chosen one!’ - Hermione promptly hits Harry in the head after this exchange. Classic!

‘All she wants to do is snog me! My lips are getting chapped. Look!’ – Ron to Harry, about Lavender

Ron comes over to sit between Harry and Ginny during their ‘alone time’ at The Burrow

Love-potioned Ron

Ron calling Hermione’s name in semi-conscious state after being poisoned ♥

‘Alright. Close your eyes. That way you can’t be tempted.‘ – Ginny to Harry

(Asuuus! Tapos bigla mong ni-kiss! Apir, ‘Te!)

Harry under Felix Felices – HIGH!

‘Farewell, Aragog, king of arachnids. Your body will decay, your spirit lingers on…’ – Aragog’s eulogy as delivered Professor Slughorn

‘Being me has its privileges.’ – Dumbledore

I WILL NEVER FORGET: 

THE UNBREAKABLE VOW

Dumbledore’s memories of little Tom Riddle

The Vanishing Cabinet and DRACO MALFOY

DRACO AND SNAPE

How Ginny ran after Harry during the Death Eaters attack at The Burrow

Attempts to Dumbledore’s life by Malfoy

Sectum Sempra!

Finally acquiring Slughorn’s memory of Tom Riddle

HORCRUX

Dumbledore’s pained face as he begged Harry to stop forcing him to drink the cursed water

Dumbledore’s death in the hand of Severus Snape 

‘You dare use my own spells against me, Potter?

…Yes. I’M THE HALF-BLOOD PRINCE.’

- Severus Snape

It’s the time of year when good films are here!

Cinemalaya 2011 is, by far, the biggest and best Independent Film Festival the Philippines have seen! Tickets are sold-out, theaters are packed and additional screenings are being held! Sobrang saya para sa indie filmmakers!

TAGUMPAY!

Day 1: July 17 
New Breed:
ANG BABAE SA SEPTIC TANK ♥

Ang Babae Sa Septic Tank

Short Films:
DEBUT
EVERY OTHER TIME
HANAPBUHAY (SOURCE OF LIVING) ♥
HAZARD
IMMANUEL
NINO BONITO ♥
OLIVER’S APARTMENT
SAMARITO (SAMARITAN) ♥
UN DIUTAY MUNDO
WALANG KATAPUSANG KWARTO (AN ENDLESS ROOM)

Cinemalaya 7: Short Films

Cinemalaya 7 | Day 1: With Julie, Kiko and Paula

1. TAWA TRIP SA SEPTIC TANK. The whole crowd was roaring with laughter. EUGENE DOMINGO IS THE BOMB! In Septic,  she proves her range as an actress. I’ve got nothing but RESPECT for her fine acting.

2. Shorts: Happy sa HANAPBUHAY, stressed sa HAZARD. NINO BONITO WAS PRECIOUS. Yung tatlong yun ang hindi ko makakalimutan. WALANG KATAPUSANG KWARTO was also nice, it was awarded as the Best Short Film of this year’s festival. Kudos to Emerson Reyes!

3. TICKET SWINDLING at the CCP Box Office. Nakita niyo yung tatlong nene na yun sa picture. ESTUDYANTE PO! Hahaha!

Day 2: July 22
New Breed:
ANG SAYAW NG DALAWANG KALIWANG PAA ♥

Ang Sayaw ng Dalawang Kaliwang Paa

Cinemalaya 7 | Day 2: with Bez Julie

1. Saw April Tanhueco, my lovely college batchmate, and her fiance Jay, by the exhibit. Walang picture kasi na-startstuck ako kay bakla! Ganda!

2. Deads na deads sa kilig kina Paulo Avelino at Rocco Nacino. Sakay na sakay din sa emotional journey ng Sayaw through poetry and dance. Nung natapos, wala akong nasabi. Napa-palakpak na lang ako. ANG GANDA! ♥

3. Happy ako na si Julie (my bestfriend) ang kasama ko manood nito. As in. ♥

4. Eh yung nakita pa namin si Rocco sa crowd, at super-binraso ko siya (obviously) para sa pictures! Aaaay! Ang SARAP niya kasi panoorin eh.

5. Also bumped into Paul sa CCP, who wrote Bisperas and also is part of Amok. Tapos chumika with Jerome Zamora, who did the screenplay for Bahay-Bata para mag-catch up. Sa bilis ng mga bibig kakadaldal, wala na namang pic! Hay!

Day 3: July 23
Closing Film:
RAKENROL ♥
ZOMBADINGS 1: Patayin sa Shokot si Remington ♥

Closing Films: RAKENROL and ZOMBADINGS 1: Patayin sa Shokot si Remington

Cinemalaya 7 | Day 3: with Julie and Desi, Pau and Buding, Bel and Jason, Onay and Elvin, April and Erwin

1. Met APRIL ELICO (April na naman?!), one of my best HS friends, and her boyfriend, Erwin. HUGS GALORE! Syempre naalala ko na mag-pichur! Yey, souvenir!

2. Star-studded ang closing films! As in! Packed ang loob at labas ng theater. The only seats left ay yung mga nasa BUWIS-BUHAY section na! Nevertheless, enjoy ang Rakenrol and Zombadings because I was with such great company. ♥

3. Kahilera namin sa upuan sina IC Mendoza and his friends. Feeling ko nakadagdag sa appreciation ko ng Zombadings ang presence nila. Nakaka-enjoy kasi yung tawa nila eh, nakakahawa!

4. RAKENROL has its charm. I appreciate the musical experience. At syempre, ELY BUENDIA, you already! ♥

5. ZOMBADINGS was super hilarious, and Mart Escudero surprised me because of his SUPERB portrayal of Remington. KUDOS, MART! EFFECT ANG PAG-KEMBELAR MO, GIRL! WIZ NA AKETCH MA-SAY!  

6. Nakita pa namin si Sir Roy (Iglesias) outside the theater after the film. Wala lang, felt good to exchange even just a few words with him after so long. Nakaka-miss eh!

Day 4: July 24
(with Bel and Jason)
New Breed:
LIGO NA U, LAPIT NA ME

Ligo na U, Lapit na Me

1. The film has its moments. Makaka-identify ka madalas. Tama si Julie, mala-500 days siya. Bilib ako kay Mercedes Cabral. ASTIG! Na-cute-an ako sa acting ni Edgar Allan (Poe), na dapat naman yata ganun talaga.

2. SINO NGA BA KASING NAG-IMBENTO NG CLOSURE NA YAN, HA?! Pakshet. Hahaha!

3. Masaya ako sa lunch/catch-up with Bel and Jason. As always.

Kung gusto niyo pang humabol sa experience ng Independent Film Festival, magkakaroon sila ng screenings sa UP: Cinemalaya Goes to UP VII. Click on the link to view the schedule.

As for me, ’til next year, Cinemalaya! ♥ 

*****

Here’s the list of winners of the Cinemalaya 2011 Winners: 

FULL LENGTH (NEW BREED OF DIRECTORS) CATEGORY:

Best Film: “Ang Babae Sa Septic Tank”
Special Jury Prize: ”Nino”
Audience Choice: “Ang Babae sa Septic Tank”
Best Director: Marlon Rivera (“Ang Babae Sa Septic Tank”)
Best Actress: Eugene Domingo (“Ang Babae Sa Septic Tank”)
Best Actor: Edgar Allan Guzman (“Ligo Na U, Lapit Na Me”)
Best Supporting Actress: Shamaine Buencamino (“Nino”)
Best Supporting Actor: Art Acuna (“Nino”)
Best Screenplay: Chris Martinez (“Ang Babae Sa Septic Tank”)
Best Cinematography: “Ang Sayaw ng Dalawang Kaliwang Paa”
Best Production Design: Laida Lim (“Nino”)
Best Editing: Lawrence Fajardo (“Amok”)
Best Original Music Score: Christine Muyco and Gemma Pamintuan (“Ang Sayaw ng Dalawang Kaliwang Paa”)
Best Sound Recording: Mike Idioma (“Amok”)

DIRECTORS SHOWCASE CATEGORY:

Best Film: ”Bisperas”
Audience Choice: ”Patikul”
Best Director: Aureaus Solito (“Busong”)
Best Actress: Raquel Villavicencio (“Bisperas”)
Best Actor : Bembol Roco (“Isda”)
Best Supporting Actress: Julia Clarete (“Bisperas”)
Best Supporting Actor: Jaime Pebangco (“Patikul”)
Best Screenplay: No winner
Best Cinematography: Roberto Yniguez (“Bisperas”)
Best Production Design: Rodrigo Riccio (“Bisperas”)
Best Editing: Benjamin Tolentino (“Isda”)
Best Original Musical Score: Diwa de Leon (“Busong”)
Best Sound: Diwa de Leon (“Busong”)
Kids Treat Best Film for Children: ”Patikul”

SHORT FILMS CATEGORY:

Best Film: “Walang Katapusang Kuwarto”
Special Jury Prize: ”Hanap Buhay”
Audience Choice: ”Walang Katapusang Kwarto”
Best Director: Rommel Tolentino (“Nino Bonito”)

Cinemalaya 2011 Winners List compiled by Noypistuff

*****

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

The first of the ‘darker days’ in the life of Harry Potter.

As Cedric’s death and Voldemort’s rise force him and his friends into maturity, the fight becomes real and personal – it can take away everything… and everyone they ever loved…

IN THIS FILM I LOVED:

Dudley becomes BIG D

Mrs. Figg

12 Grimmauld Place

THE ORDER OF THE PHOENIX

Eavesdropping – the Fred and George Weasley way

Fred and George apparating pranks

Sirius and Harry reunited, but only briefly

Arthur Weasley uses the subway

Telephone booth – visitor’s entrance to the Ministry of Magic

ALBUS PERCIVAL WILFRED BROWN DUMBLEDORE

Lily and James Potter with Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, Hagrid and Dumbledore, Frank and Alice Longbottom – members of the original Order of the Phoenix

The Thestral

LUNA LOVEGOOD ♥

Luna Lovegood

Ron defending Harry from Seamus and the others who don’t believe that Voldemort has risen

How muscular Harry has become (iiiih!)

Ordinary Wizarding Levels (OWLs) – clever!

Weasley’s Wizarding Wheezes (lako-lako mode at school)

DOLORES and MINERVA’S CATFIGHT!

“Something you’d like to say, dear?”

“Oh, there are several things I would like to say.” – Dolores and Minerva’s exchange during Professor Trelawney’s ‘banishment’ from Hogwarts

DUMBLEDORE’S ARMY ♥

DUMBLEDORE'S ARMY

The Room of Requirement

Nigel

Stupefy!

Levicorpus!

Filch and the Inquisitorial Squad trying to catch DA at the Room of Requirement

“How was it?”

“Wet.” – Ron and Harry talking about Harry’s first kiss with Cho

Occlumency (but sad about what Harry saw James doing to Snape when he intruded into his thoughts)

Protego!

The Weasleys’ toasting to Harry

“They’re not so hard to find. They’re so big, you see?” – Hagrid tells Harry, Ron and Hermione about his task to look for giants

BOMBARDA MAXIMA!

DUMBLEDORE’S ESCAPE – IN STYLE

GRAWP crushing on Hermione (sooo cute!)

Hagrid's half-brother - Grawp, the giant

The grand exit of the Weasley twins from Hogwarts

Ginny is a powerful witch

REDUCTO!

DA goes to the Ministry of Magic to save Sirius!

HARRY POTTER’S PROPHECY:

“The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches…

…and the Dark Lord shall mark him as his equal,

but he shall have power the Dark Lord knows not…

for neither can live while the other survives.”

DA against Death Eaters

The power of Dumbledore’s magic against Voldemort’s

“You’re the weak one.

You will never know love or friendship,

and I feel sorry for you.”

– Harry Potter to Lord Voldemort

I WILL NEVER FORGET:

Dementors attacking Harry and Dudley

The expulsion letter from the Ministry of Magic

The Department of Mysteries

The hearing at Ministry of Magic and Dumbledore sweeping in to save Harry from getting expelled at Hogwarts

CORNELIUS FUDGE

DOLORES UMBRIDGE, her ‘special quill’ and purely pink wardrobe

Umbridge’s takeover at Hogwarts

Snape and Trelawney’s evaluation interview

Sybill Trelawney

“Fourteen years ago, a Death-eater named BELLATRIX LESTRANGE used the Cruciatus Curse on my parents. She tortured them for information. They never gave in. I’m quite proud to be their son.” – Neville

LUCIUS MALFOY (filthy pureblood!)

Sirius’ sudden death (still gets me every time)

 *****

“Things we lose always have a way of coming back to us in the end…

…if not always in the way we expect.”

– Luna Lovegood